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Family Law - So Your Marriage is Over
By Catherine Kelly
So Your Marriage is Over.
You haven't been happy in your marriage for months, or even years. There may come the day when you or your spouse says: "I can't take this anymore. I want out."
Your initial thoughts are: "What's going to happen to the kids? How will I be able to take care of them? How much financial support will we need?" Rather than become swallowed up by a sea of scary predictions about the future, take a moment to sit down, breathe deeply and tell yourself you can handle this.
If your marriage is truly over and you and your spouse have canvassed and rejected the possibility of working through your marital problems, then and only then are you ready to begin the hard work of separation. While you may want to react impulsively and immediately, don't. Let this be a time to gather information (from reliable sources) and to stockpile resources. Create the time for thoughtful contemplation. How you behave during the first weeks after truly realizing that your marriage is over can make a significant difference to you and your children's future.
Your kids need you and they also need your spouse. They will always need both you and your spouse. Kids who are most well-adjusted to their parents' divorce are those who have been given permission to love and spend time with both of their parents. In custody matters, Courts begin with the premise that both parents should play an active role in their children's lives unless there are circumstances which dictate otherwise.
The Manitoba government offers a course to separated parents called "For the Sake of the Children". Enrolling in this class as soon as possible is beneficial. (In Winnipeg call 945 - 4257 to register.) You will be provided with helpful information regarding what your children need from you and your spouse during this time and throughout the course of your separation and how your children may be affected by the separation.
Now is the time to manage your emotional response to the end of your marriage, and if necessary, seek professional help as soon as possible. A good counselor can save you thousands of dollars in legal fees down the road. Talk to a family lawyer about your rights and the different avenues which can be utilized to resolve your legal issues with your spouse, including mediation, litigation, arbitration and Collaborative Family Law - a revolutionary way to resolve legal conflicts holistically; potentially saving you thousands of dollars in legal fees and more importantly, saving you, your spouse and your children from the potentially deep wounds inflicted during the traditional custody battle.
Separation is a difficult time during which you will be expected to carry on as a parent, putting your children's needs first. Get support and take care of yourself. Exercise, eat healthy and do your best to maintain your sense of humor. You will need it. But remember, from the darkness will come light. You and your kids will survive and chances are you will discover strengths in yourselves which you never knew existed. Your family will be transformed.
Catherine Kelly is lawyer who has been practicing law for 17 years and has spent the last 12 years focusing her practice in the area of Family Law. She can be reached at her firm located at 535 - 70 Arthur Street in Winnipeg, at 284-4713.
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Family Law - So Your Marriage is Over
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