| |
Parenting With Humor
by Dr. Cathy Moser
I have a particularly warped sense of humor, and it has probably been the one trait that has kept me sane for most of my parenting years (notice, I said MOST). And for those insane years"well, there's a saying 'insanity is inherited - you get it from your kids! Having a sense of humor may not always make you a better parent, but you will certainly enjoy your job a whole lot more. When one of my sons was in the terrible two stage, and was having a complete meltdown at the Bay because I would not buy him the coveted Power Ranger figure, I picked him up and put him under my arm. I then proceeded to cover and uncover his wailing mouth, so that the sound effect was a rhythmic waa..waa..waa. sound. It made me laugh inside and forget about all those people around us that were probably wondering what kind of parent would allow their two year old to tantrum in such a civilized store. Actually, I really know that most parents look at a tantruming child and think to themselves 'oh, that poor parent' as opposed to 'oh, that child must be so spoiled'. This hand cover technique also had the effect of stopping my son in his tracks, because he too wanted to listen to that interesting sound effect!
The key to parenting with humor is to not get sucked into reducing your emotional responding to the level of your two year old. That is why we take deep breaths (ten of them usually works well) when our children challenge us to the max. Once we can distance ourselves from 'the problem' and withhold our instinctive reaction, then we can actually come up with some interesting interventions. One of my mentors had a theory - if you hit your head against the wall a hundred times, and you expect that it won't hurt the hundred and first time - THAT'S INSANITY. So, she says "when you are faced with a situation that usually goes down the same path toward the same lousy outcome , try something different. When the kids are fighting, instead of yelling - take out a loud whistle, and blow it (I used this technique very effectively in a marital therapy session)! or, grab a pot and a wooden spoon and start a little drumming. The first time you do it.. they will definitely stop in their tracks. And that moment is the exact moment when you have an opportunity to redirect. Other simple redirections might be to refrain from announcing 'bedtime' and instead announce the race to see who can be in bed first, complete with prizes"..stop an erupting tantrum with a tickle fest"and similar types of humorous diversions.
Unfortunately, parenting can at times, be a very serious job. We have illness to deal with, the feeling of an onerous responsibility for making sure our children are safe, and for raising healthy and happy children. And we have this constant sense that we are the gatekeepers of our children's success in life. That's a huge and sometimes overwhelming responsibility. At times, we take the responsibility part very seriously and become way too serious. That's when the fun stops and the onerous burden of parenting begins. For example, if we are really worried about making a mess or ruining that new look of the carpet, sofa, etc"then we sometimes take all of the fun out of playing. If that is happening to you, and you are not having a joyful time for a good part of the day".then maybe it's time to step back and reconnect with your inner child. Get down on the floor and race those cars; whack that playdough; sit on the whoopee cushion - anything, to experience that sense of pure play without the worry of where it will lead.
Sometimes, the opposite is the case - at times, parents have to stifle their laughter so that we don't accidentally reinforce negative behavior. I am sometimes known for using less than savory adjectives, but only in context"really. Unfortunately, we are very strong role models. My son was a train lover, and I indulged him by taking him regularly to watch the five o'clock train crossing the tracks near our house. One day, we were running late, and we ran all the way to the tracks. When we got there, it was clear that we had missed the train, and my little two year old stomped and said 'oh, sh___ we missed the train'. I had to bite my lip hard to stifle the laughter. Even worse was when I phoned my mother in Florida to tell her the funny story. Since my son was in the room and I did not want to model bad language yet another time, I had to spell out the 'sh' word. The next week, I heard from my mother's friends how impressed they were that my son could SPELL swear words. I guess that my mom thought my son was a genius, and misinterpreted my spelling of the word to mean that he had actually spelled it out! Another hilariously humorous moment in the world of parenting. And believe me, there are many. If we could only stop for a moment, remove ourselves from the seemingly seriousness of the incident, and laugh at ourselves and our children. Life can be so sweet"on the sunny side of the street!
Related Articles:
Dealing with Dental Accidents
Choosing a Pediatrician
Parenting With Humor
Kid Doc Talk: Concussions
To the top
|
| |
|
